| Dying is for Old People |
[Sep. 29th, 2011|08:50 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Not those about to retire, not those who about a week ago were still bursting in laughter at my dubious sense of humor. There are always those people who make you cringe at the way they abuse their bodies ... but at the same time you don't expect them to suddenly vanish. As much as illness sucks, it gives you time to pre-grieve or some such; to know that it's coming.
I lost a co-worker last week. The Friday before she was the last one with me in our tiny 20 people office and I told her to have a good weekend. At some point on Sunday she died and was found by the police who my co-workers called after finding her door unlocked on Tuesday after she didn't show up for two days. Looking back, over the past weeks, she did seem unwell. I can't help but wonder if she knew what was coming or what she might have thought in those final hours. It wasn't a stroke or cancer or a heart attack. A small stomach ulcer became an abscess that perforated and eventually led to septicemia. By Saturday she was likely beyond help ... but it's hard to wonder if maybe she couldn't have been saved if she had just gone to see a doctor.
She was 58 and planning to retire in the spring. I honestly didn't know her well aside from working with her for the past 4 years. She was the corporate memory, the encyclopedia. Her employees generally hated her but somehow, she was fine to work with as a peer. I knew she had cats, chain smoked, drank and read novels every time she went out
for a smoke. She lived alone and I guess didn't have much of a social life beyond work. It feels unfair and sad. You work all these years and in an few hours it's all gone.
I went to the funeral earlier this week. Keeping a straight face for the 2 hours cost me many a willpower. I cam home feeling like I had been hit by a truck. It's over yet still doesn't feel real.
Dying is for old people; it's not for your co-workers. It's not people that remind you that next time the ashes in the urn could be those of a close friend, a parent, a significant other or your own. |
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| T&T Discovery |
[Aug. 11th, 2011|03:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  awake | ] |
I'm not sure if this is a sign that I lead a rather bland life but this infrequently updated blog is turning into a strange and unusual produce review. What can I say? I am curious when it comes to food. My latest find was a Korean melon. It appealed to me due to its small size (about half the size of your average football).
I peeled it and seeded it and cut it into slices. The flesh had a rather boring colour, white, but it smelled very sweet. The taste was surprisingly good. It reminded me of a honeydew melon ... maybe a bit milder but with a crunchy texture; kind of like the fleshy part of a cucumber. I think this would probably go very well in a fruit salad and possibly hold its shape and texture better than most melons. Plus the small size makes it not entirely unrealistic for one person to eat it in one or two sittings. |
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| Scamcado |
[Jul. 19th, 2011|08:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
So there I was at the grocery story, looking at avocados when I glance upon this giant of an avocado with bright green skin. It seemed perfectly ripe to the touch and about the same price as the usual Hass avocado. The label touted something about less calories and fat but I suppose it's the shiny skin that attracted me.
I 
Yesterday I had half of it, the way I usually eat avocados, cut up in half with the middle filled with salsa. The flesh was a bit strange; more yellow and with dark brown veins in it ... but I removed what I could and tried it. The best way to describe it would be to call it a tease. It almost sort of kind of tastes like an avocado ... filled with water instead of delicious fat. It was almost grainy and very bland. Ick! I felt compelled to add a spoonful of hot sauce on top of the salsa to liven it up but it was still unpleasantly watery. Today, not wanting to waste it, I had it in a salad. Quite frankly, it was the worst part of said salad and meal. Even with dressing it was like the bastard child of an avocado and watermelon: watery tastelessness ... with lumps. The Slimcado is to a Hass avocado what sugary frozen powdered milk is to Haagen Dazs ice cream.
Lesson learned: don't be fooled by a shiny exterior of attractive marketing claims. It's what's on the inside that counts. Forgive me for ever doubting you Hass dearest ... I know where my true love lies. Now get in my belleh! |
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| Once again the stars are aligned. |
[Jun. 7th, 2011|09:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sad | ] |
I'm sleepy, not hungry, I feel sick and every little thing irritates me and either makes me want to say "fuck you" and walk out on all of it or just fills my head with nonsensical dark thoughts. I go through the motions but everything I am in charge of seems all the more heavy and difficult to manage and like I have nowhere to turn. Depression is creeping back on me. It's been a long run without it, so I'm glad for that.
Heck, the fact that I'm posting here is probably a sign. There seems to be an inverse correlation between my state of mind and the number of posts I put up on livejournal. Probably due to some melodramatic aspect to my personality, maybe a stupid pseudo passive call for help. Who knows. That's me, 33 and still going through teenage-grade angst. Lovely. Maybe I should go read poe or buy a striped shirt. Anybody got spare black eyeliner? |
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| Surreal moment of the month |
[Mar. 28th, 2011|10:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  surprised | ] |
Mutant man successfully goaded about half the player in the larp I ST to group hug me (so I guess there were maybe 20 people all around). On the one side I value personal space (plus I'm tiny so the only part of me sticking of that hug was my head) but on the other I like hugs and this was pretty much the supersize on crack version of a hug.
I'm conflicted. |
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| On Strange Food Ideas |
[Mar. 7th, 2011|07:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  satisfied | ] |
A near empty fridge calls for creativity when the stomach screams. I had a salad but I was still hungry. Solution: a slice of crandberry and pumpkin seed bread (actual toasting bread, not the cakey stuff), dijon mustard and a slice of prosciutto. It sounds completely weird but trust me, it works. The sweetness of the cranberries actually work with the salt of pork and the mustard balances it. The only thing that could have made it better would have been grainy mustard and onion confiture. |
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| Specific Sign is Specific ... |
[Feb. 22nd, 2011|11:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
Something seen in Atlanta last fall on our way to the Aquarium. I think they need a bigger sign.
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| Oroblanco Grapefruit |
[Feb. 21st, 2011|08:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  impressed | ] |
For some reason I've been trying a whole bunch of new citrus fruits this winter. I picked an oroblanco grapefruit pretty much randomly last week. Wikipedia tells me that it's a cross between a white grapefruit and a pomelo.
Now I'm an amateur of grapefruit. Way back when I had roomates I would only drink white grapefruit juice. Reason why? Nobody would steal it and over time I grew used to the bitterness.
I remember trying pomelos a few times but they always seemed dry. Well lo and behold, oroblanco is a happy combination of the two. The juice of the grapefruit and the lack of bitterness of the pomelo. To me it's sweeter than a ruby red grapefruit and even some oranges I've had. So for those people who can't stand grapefruits but like other kinds of citrus, maybe that's the one for you. It's a bit of pain to peel due to the super thick peel but it's quite tasty. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2011|03:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
And another page is turned. Ever since Christmas, I have been part of competitions, one at the place where I work current and another at another department. One of those, the first one, ended in my favour and the other one is at the reference check stage. Last week I signed my letter of offer as Manager. This effectively means the jump that I have been hesitant to make, due to my ... strange social skills. Let's call it that.
It feels quite odd to be frank. I guess when I started working for the government, I never thought I'd land in management or at least I thought that the climb would take longer than that. I could have stayed at the "senior working professional" level as they call it but the thought of doing this for 22 more years was somewhat depressing.
I'm thankful for the confidence placed in me by upper management ... they seem to trust my skills more than I do at times. I guess I'm afraid I won't be up to the task or worse still, that I will end up like the person above me, stuck in a position where I am not all that competent and eventually turn bitter about it and take it out on my employees; afraid as I am to "look bad" or feeling like I need to prop myself up by crushing those under me. I guess my goals are exactly what I said motivated me to apply for the competition during the interview: manage using the practices that I think are good and never employ those I think are unproductive.
Deep down I believe that people are good and that they would much rather get along with people than get into fights ... but that it's circumstances and people feeling unhappy or unappreciated that makes them adopt dysfunctional ways of relating to others. I also believe in people's inherent value. I don't care if the person is king of Alaska or someone who cleans floors, they are just as equally valuable as human beings and should all be treated as such. I cannot stand people who look down on other human beings based on what "job" they have or what position they hold in an organization. Yes it's a hierarchy but we also live in a democracy and a place where everybody has a right to respect and not being looked down upon. Some people I think need a reality check to that effect, to see that despite their high paycheck they are not god's gift to humankind and shouldn't expect to be worshiped by those under them.
I think that if you respect people and try to make it so their career progresses and that they get the kudos for work well done, they will be happy and productive and help you. It's a give-give thing. I was lucky enough to work for managers who had that sort of outlook and it paid off for me and them. When your superiors go out of their way to help you, then you don't mind going out of your way when they need you to.
Overall, I think that I believe in humane management, that first you have to take care of the person and then good work and competence will follow but if people are unhappy and you try to fix the "work" portion you're just wasting your time. These are all grand ideas and laudable intentions ... now I suppose the challenge for me will be to make good on them. |
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| Clementiny |
[Jan. 4th, 2011|02:00 am] |
Look at a coke can ... now look at this picture again. No I did not make up the name. They are actually being marketed as clementiny. I don't know what of miniature mangoes or this makes me want to squee the most.
I bought a whole bag of these beauties at the Asian grocery store. Each one about 25% of the size of a normal clementine. Exact same taste with added tiny induced squees.
Tiny fruits ... they always seem to taste better :) |
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